Doodle Stands Up

Stand up routine:

I’m a comic book artist. Yeah, go ahead and laugh. I know what you’re thinking, “if the guys who read that stuff are geeks, what’s that make this guy?” It’s alright, we’re used to that reaction. We know the public at large has that opinion of us, and we laugh it off, but deep inside we’re deeply offended.

This stuff is important to us!

Like, a while back I was in the Sears Tower with my wife and my parents. I was wearing my Justice League of America embroidered shirt. I got it from a pal of mine that used to do the color design on Superboy…it’s a technical thing, don’t worry about it.

But anyway, there’s this lady behind me and she starts talking to her little girl about my shirt. “There’s Batman, you know Batman. And there’s Superman, you know him, right? And Wonder Woman, and I don’t know who that is…is that supposed to be Spider-Man?”

I wanted to turn around and say, “Spider-Man in the Justice League? Lady, there’s tourists from all over the world here, don’t embarrass yourself in front of the whole world! Spider-Man? Spider-Man’s a Marvel character, the Justice League is from DC! How can you not know that? Are you illiterate? How can you raise a kid like that?

But I didn’t. I laughed it off, but deep inside…you know, I was deeply hurt.

The summer comics conventions are getting underway soon, and I thought you might like some pointers, in case you find yourself on the same sidewalk or in the same convention center with some comics fans.

ONE: don’t mix up your Marvel and your DC characters. The rule of thumb here is, if their trunks are a different color than the tights, and the boots match the trunks then they’re probably a DC character. If the trunks and tights are the same color, regardless of the boot color then they’re probably a Marvel.

TWO: If they got a letter on their head, Marvel.

THREE: Stan Lee did NOT create Batman!

That’s probably too complex for you though, right?

If you can’t remember that, then remember this, if you don’t know the character, don’t go guessing. Don’t embarrass yourself, and one of us, by saying stuff like, “Purple Arrow, right?”

No! That’s Hawkeye!

And don’t make it worse by saying, “wasn’t he on M.A.S.H. ?”

That’s a different guy!

If you really HAVE to know who the character is, then ask. That’s all you have to do. Comics fans are only too happy to share.

Bear in mind that if you don’t really want to know, then don’t say anything! If you got some time to hear about it, then ask. Otherwise just walk away…especially if the comic person is an unattached guy and you are a semi-attractive young lady. You could be there all day!